03 January, 2011

Show Me Yours Blogfest--NaNoWriMo WIP

Here is my entry for the Show Me Yours Blogfest at Musings of a Palindrome ...And This Time Concentrate! and Falen Formulates Fiction:

T-minus 5 seconds.

   As promised, they landed—on the water. Sending up a sudden wave of water, the shuttle pierced the surface of the ocean and almost immediately flipped up back to the surface.
   She fought a sense of nausea at the rather explosive landing and almost missed the whirring noise. And then the clunks. Outside of the shuttle, the wings and the tail rotated quickly and the almost-invisible joints became very clear as they molded into a new shape.
   The shuttle had morphed into a watercraft.
   Now, beginning to gain momentum as powerful engines propelled them through the water toward the landmass Esperanza had seen before, she wondered why they hadn’t just landed on the ground.
   “We’ll be there within the hour,” Castoway told her.
   Esperanza nodded and leaned against the window again; the water flew by in arcs and splashed against the other side of the glass, as if it was trying to flow through. The light reflected off of the water and sent it sparkling.
   Watching the ocean around them was oddly disturbing—Esperanza felt lost in the green-blue expanse. There were few birds, and she could see nothing in the water; although she supposed the latter was probably a good thing.
   She let her eyes follow a single bird soaring lazily in the wind. Suddenly it dived into the depths and disappeared, only to reappear moments later with its catch in its mouth.
   Gulping down the unfortunate fish, the bird launched itself back up into the sky, beating its wings against gravity.
   She continued to watch the few creatures around them, along with the land growing increasingly larger in front of them.
   Finally, around an hour later as Castoway had told her, the shoreline became visible.
   It was rocky and barren, the sand a consistent yellow-white color. Some seabirds flew above and perched on the rocks; she saw no other animals. There were trees behind the rocks and she could see a hillier landscape beyond that, but she didn’t notice any sign of human habitation.
   Now the activity within the shuttle ramped up and people began to stand—Esperanza felt the craft begin to slow down. The spray outside of her window decreased and the craft drew up level with a small spit among the rocks. With a slight humming sound the water skids propelled themselves up onto the sand.
   The shuttle-turned-watercraft stopped.
   “Time to disembark,” Castoway said.
   Ely was already walking toward the ramp lowering itself down toward the beach.
   “One good thing about traveling on official business is that there are no annoying flight attendants, eh, Castoway?” one man called across the shuttle. He laughed along with a few others.
   The man grimaced. Esperanza wondered what the joke was, but didn’t bother asking.
   She waited until almost everyone had walked ahead of her, and then stood up, her muscles complaining from the lack of movement. She didn’t know how long they’d been in the shuttle, but it had to be at least six hours.


Are you a part of this blogfest? If so, go ahead and advertise the fact, so I can go check out your entry. :)


-----The Golden Eagle

40 comments:

Madeleine said...

I like it and I love the name Esperanza. Brilliant. :O)

Kari Marie said...

I love a shuttle that morons into a watercraft. Cool!

Heather said...

This was excellent! I do love great sci-fi. I'm not part of this blogfest but it sounds like a lot of fun! Thank you for sharing your entry.

Elena Solodow said...

This was really great. I especially love the opening!

Rebecca T. said...

This blogfest has been so much fun! Glad to read yours. Quite intriguing and I'm curious as to what else is going on here :)

Marian Allen said...

I'm intrigued. I liked all the names, and you raised lots of questions I would read to have answered.

I think I'll join the fest, but I think I'll do it tomorrow.

Marian Allen
(link to my URL left off so I won't get booted) :)

Summer Ross said...

I am part of this blogfest. My post is up. Your snippet was an interesting read. I adore the character name "Esperanza" It is unique and very creative.

mist of the blossom rain said...

Fabulous! I haven't heard of this blogfest yet, but it's very inspiring!

Brian said...

I do love your imagination and how you are able to paint the scenes for us!

Hart Johnson said...

Oh, interesting! Love the multi-mode traveler and Esperanza is a great character name--that is Hope in Spanish, yes? I'd love to see what they find!

N. R. Williams said...

Intriguing. I like to follow your characters while they explore the island. I'm thinking there might be a lot of difficulties ahead of them.
Nancy
N. R. Williams, fantasy author

J.C. Martin said...

Great descriptions of their surroundings. Sounds like a lovely place! Wonder why they're there? Nice excerpt.

Lydia K said...

I loved the little details, like her muscles complaining from lack of use. Great entry!

Jen Daiker said...

I have really enjoyed this blog fest!!!! Reading everyone's pieces has been a rare treat!!

Sarah Ahiers (Falen) said...

Esperanza is such a great name! Also i'm a huge sci-fi fan so i get all excited whenever i come across any.
Great job!

Carol Kilgore said...

I'd like one of those morph-y thingies, please :)
I didn't do NaNo, so not a part of the blogfest.

Misa said...

Interesting! I do like sci fi :)

DEZMOND said...

I really liked this excerpt of yours, Eagle!

Elizabeth Twist said...

Great excerpt! I would love to know a little more about how Esperanza (great name) came to be on this trip, and what her relationship is to the other characters. In other words...finish and publish, please! (Or, if you're looking for a beta reader, let me know!)

Caroline said...

Who doesn't love an adventure with an intrepid ship landing on a strange new shore? Very nice! I think it's a great start.

I'm participating in the blogfest, too. Lots of fun!

-Caroline

Old Kitty said...

Oh wow!! Then what happened?!?!?! I really like this - I love this strange world that Esperanza is finding herself!! Well done you!

Take care
x

Lisa Potts said...

Lovely descriptions. I could picture the water so clearly. Thanks for sharing.

The Words Crafter said...

Well done! I was into it and now...I want to know what they find on the land....

Hannah Kincade said...

I love your descriptions. The scene was very clear in my mind. I too love the name Esperanza but really love Castoway. Great job! Thanks for joining us!!

L'Aussie said...

Great writing there! Nice and sharp opening. This is a great idea to get our NaNo excerpts out there! Happy New Writing Year!

Jane Kennedy Sutton said...

I am not part of the blogfest, but I enjoyed reading yours. Now I want to know what they’re going to find other than the birds!

Erin said...

I kind of want to read more. The names were really adorable. It's one of the ones I've read from this blogfest that really really interested me. Then again, I'm a sci-fi person. (I have part of my novel up as well!)

Clarissa Draper said...

It's clear that you love birds. Do you feature it a lot in your writing?
Also, have you heard about the dead birds in Arkansas? Scary!
CD

Jessica Lei said...

I love the name Esperanza. Great description and action :) Thanks for sharing!

Samantha Vérant said...

Very nice. one quick crit (hope you don't mind!) - in the second sentence I'd lose the "of water." It's inferred by the wave! (And it's an echo).

Esperanza! Great name!

I didn't do NaNo this year, but I'm looking forward to checking everybody's out.

Misha said...

Nicely done! I liked it.

:-)

I also took part, but only posted today.

Ellie said...

I love sci-fi, so this definitely my thing. The opening paragraph had me gripped and Esperanza is a great choice of name. Great writing that leaves me wanting more!

Robyn Campbell said...

Super read, I'd love to read more and more. Love the opening. It pulled me in and that name, Esperanza. Lovely.

Thanks for sharing this with us. :)

....Petty Witter said...

Sadly not part of this blogfest but I've enjoyed visiting those who are.

A great entry, as always I've enjoyed reading your work, thanks for sharing it.

Best wishes for 2011 to you and yours.

Justin W. Parente said...

Thanks for sharing this. It was a refreshing sci-fi piece. Watch your double word usage and word economy though. Pare some of the sentences down. For doubles, in the first sentence, you use "surface" not six words apart from each other. Just something to look at in edits.

Thanks for sharing.
JWP

kelworthfiles said...

I loved the shuttle landing and it transforming into a watercraft.

Can she really see 'land' so long before the shoreline?? I know that you can make out land as distant darkness on the horizon, but I'm not sure how fast this vehicle is supposed to be landing, or how high the land gets close to the shore.

I'm curious about who these characters are though, and why they've come to this land. Thanks for participating in the blogfest and sharing your work with us.

The Golden Eagle said...

Madeleine: Glad you like it!

It was one of the first names I thought of when I started writing her story, actually.

Kari: Well, why not? :D

Heather: You're welcome! I'm glad you enjoyed my entry!

Elena: Thank you!

Rebecca: A lot of things. :P

Marian: Glad you liked the names, and that I intrigued you! Hopefully you'll get the answers--when I'm published and all. ;)

Summer: It means "Hope" in Spanish--I used to look up words in other languages to see if any sounded like names, and this one came up in the translator.

Emily: Thanks!

It is, I agree. :)

Brian: Thank you! I'm glad you could imagine the scene. :)

Hart: Yes, it does! I wondered if anyone would pick up on that. I've read many books where the definition means a lot to the story.

Nancy: Oh, there are--a lot of difficulties!

J. C.: Thanks! I'm glad you liked it!

The Golden Eagle said...

Lydia: Thank you! :)

Jen: I agree. A lot of the posts out there were amazing reads! (I still have to get to some of them . . . oops!)

Sarah: Thanks!

I love SF, too--it's one of my favorite genres to write AND to read.

Carol: I wouldn't mind having one, either!

Misa: Me too!

DEZMOND: I'm glad you liked it!

Elizabeth: Thank you!

I'll finish, I promise! :) Maybe not publish (who knows what will happen with that) but I do plan on finishing the novel!

Caroline: I know I love that kind of spaceship thing--which is why I write it! :D

Thanks!

Old Kitty: Then they go to a communications center, hidden on at the location due to security reasons. :P

Thanks, Old Kitty!

Lisa: You're welcome! I'm glad you could picture what was happening--I try to put the reader into the scene.

The Words Crafter: Thank you!

I know, I know, I'm cruel. :P But there's an even bigger cliffhanger-ish part ahead, and I couldn't use that . . .

Hannah: Thanks! Glad you like the description. :)

Thank you for hosting this blogfest! It's been a lot of fun!

The Golden Eagle said...

L'Aussie: Thank you! :)

Jane: I'm glad you enjoyed it!

Erin: SF people unite!

LOL. I love the genre, too.

Clarissa: I mention birds, yes--they are symbolic to me, and there are so many different kinds that can represent so many different things!

Yes, I heard about it--it's so sad about all those animals. :(

Jessica: Thanks!

You're very welcome--it's been fun reading others' thoughts on the excerpt.

Samantha: Nope, I definitely don't mind! Thanks for mentioning that--I know I repeat myself a lot in my writing and have to cut things out.

Misha: Thank you!

Ellie: Glad you liked it, Ellie!

Robyn: Thanks so much! I'm glad you enjoyed the excerpt from my WIP.

You're welcome!

Tracy: Aw, you're very welcome!

Justin: Thanks for telling me! Another thing to edit, but it's quite helpful to know what I'm doing to an external eye.

Kelworthfiles: Glad you liked that part! :)

I didn't think of that--but you're right, I suppose if they were far out in the sea it wouldn't be visible, really. I guess I was thinking more of as they were coming down--then the land would be visible.

You're welcome!

Trisha said...

Nice! This makes me want to find out where they've come from and where they're going...and why, of course. :)