09 September, 2011

The First Campaigner Challenge: 200 Word Flash Fiction

The First Challenge in Rachael Harrie's Third Platform-Building Campaign has arrived!

Well, okay, it arrived on Monday, but entries can be submitted until today, Friday. I just didn't have space for it this earlier in the week.

So, what is the challenge?

Write a short story/flash fiction story in 200 words or less, excluding the title. It can be in any format, including a poem. Begin the story with the words, “The door swung open” These four words will be included in the word count.

If you want to give yourself an added challenge (optional), use the same beginning words and end with the words: "the door swung shut." (also included in the word count)

For those who want an even greater challenge, make your story 200 words EXACTLY!

I love challenges. And yes, mine is EXACTLY 200 words!

Mission: Alpha

The door swung open and Jim tumbled out.
   Head over heels! Heels over head! Keep turning and don’t stop to look, he told himself—
   —or Captain’ll whip you one and you’ll be shamed in front of all your mates—
   Got to focus.
   Jim felt the g-force as he fell, the sky and earth spinning light and dark, air resistance dragging on his body.
   Timer almost to zero—
   Deploy glider! Press the button, Jim!
   Jim gripped handlebars that snapped in front of him, soared up, up, up.
   Heard shouting through the com: “Got a grip, Jimmy?”
   “I got it, man.”
   “Good!  ‘Cause we’re in for a doozy.”
   Isn’t it always that way?
   Jim wouldn’t take an alternative. Nothing beat the plunge from hovercraft to ground on missions. Missions that were—technically—top-secret operations headed by the lead negotiator, the woman trying to keep humanity alive.
   Since aliens wanted it eliminated.
   “Ready, Jimmy? We’re goin’ down in three . . .”
   Jim readied his glider’s engines.
   “. . . two . . . one!”
   Above, the hovercraft rose as its operatives disappeared into the mountains. The pilot realized he’d left it open—Captain’d be mad—and the door swung shut.


What do you think? If you really like it, and feel it's worth mention, I'd love it if you went over to the Linky List and clicked "like" below my entry. I'm under the name Golden Eagle, number 367.

And if you have posted your entry, please mention it! I want to read yours.

-----The Golden Eagle


Christine Rains said...

Oh, that was fantastic! I love all the action and tension you packed into such a short piece. I've been reading a lot of the entries and it's been so much fun. Yours is one of the ones that stand out for me so far. Good job! :)

Francesca Zappia said...

Great job! I love how you did the action in this. Like, part 3rd person, part stream-of-consciousness. I could definitely feel him falling.

Ann said...

Great action and tension in this. I read it with breathlessness. I hope she succeeds in saving humanity! And Jim survives too.

Lucy Westenra said...

I wish I could find the Linky List you mention.

Avery Marsh said...

Lucy, here's the link: http://rachaelharrie.blogspot.com/2011/09/first-campaigner-challenge.html

That was such a fun and exciting entry! I really felt like I was falling and soaring along with him.

Unknown said...

This is great! So happy to finally see a glimpse of your writing, Eagle.

Misha Gerrick said...

Nice! I like the spin you put on the prompt. :-)

Emily R. King said...

I loved this! It kept me interested and it moved along nicely. It was great!

Heather said...

This is great! Wow, now I feel like I've been skydiving.

bridget said...

I liked it, I was definitly invested. Nice job. Mine is #72

Anonymous said...

I liked it! Made me want more.

Charles Gramlich said...

Good. I liked that quite a lot. Will go vote.

Tara Tyler said...

great story! lots of action!

Unknown said...

You packed a lot in those 200 words! Lovely!

Emily Rose said...

I love your story! Do you think you'd ever expand off of it and turn it into something larger than 200 words?

K.T. Hanna said...

A very interesting piece. Leaves the reader wanting to know a lot more.

Thanks for visiting my blog :D

Brianna said...

Love the adventure! I felt like I was falling! Admirable work.

J.L. Campbell said...

Nice bit of action here. Makes me think you have some experience in this area. It's different and cool.

Christa Desir said...

It's great. What a start to a story!

Angie said...

That's terrific. Very exciting. I'd love to read me.

writing and living by Richard P Hughes said...

Interesting scene.

MC Rogerson said...

Like this piece - action, fast pace. Excellent!

Unknown said...

Very well written. Quite a bit of adventure in there. I like adventure. Good work!

mooderino said...

First airborne one I've read. Very dynamic, felt those g-forces myself.


Jenny S. Morris said...

It was great, and makes me want to know more.

I'm #172 if you want to check mine out.

Edith said...

I always like your flash pieces. : ) In this one, I like how much feel we get for Jim even though it's 200 words.


Unknown said...

I've read quite a few posts and this is very different. Great action scene.

Unknown said...

Nice!!! You really got the urgency down there, I could feel the tension reading this.

Also, there's FAAAAAR too few good sci fi stories out there. I'm hoping there'll be more of those, soon? *hinthint*

Hektor Karl said...

I like the style. Very enjoyable overall.

Liza said...

Well done! Great action scene. Compelling. I'm heading right over and giving you a "like!"

Old Kitty said...

Wow!! Such adrenalin-high action!! Loved it!! Well done you!!! Off I go to like it now!! Yay!! take care

Anonymous said...

Loved all the action and felt I was right there:)

Susanna Leonard Hill said...

Great entry! I felt like I was in the middle of an action movie!

Carrie Butler said...

I love it, Eagle! Nice job! :)

Melanie Fowler said...

Hey, I really liked it. I imagined myself falling with Jim, and I liked that imagry of the the mission. It was great! I liked it lots.

My flash fiction is over at adventurewrites.blogspot.com

Precy Larkins said...

It's a real talent to pack in so much story in 200 words. Well done!

alberta ross said...

great feeling of action, movement - an adrenlain rush - good start to campaign

Sonia Lal said...

Lots of action and tension. Though skydiving scares me.

Deniz Bevan said...

Action packed! Love the sense of momentum.

Anonymous said...

Great job. Loved all the action you packed into this.

Madison Woods said...

So much action and scene in so few words! Loved it and was impressed by how smoothly it all flowed from start to finish with no hitch at the middle :)

julie fedderson said...

Ack! I'm terrified of heights and I could almost get dizzy just reading this. Great job!

Len Lambert said...

Full of action! Love it! Thanks for visiting mine, Eagle! :)

Melissa Dean said...

Great Job! Loved the feeling of falling with him!

THanks for posting a comment on mine! I'm a new follower!

Anonymous said...

Great piece. I'll go find you on the linky list to vote.

Have a great weekend.

ali cross said...

I DID love it! Great job Eags!

ali's blog

Sarah Tokeley said...

I really liked this, especially the little touches that made it sound different. I want more!

Emileigh Latham said...

That was really good and a lot of fun to read. Maybe we should be doing challenges like this at 30kwords.

Unknown said...

Interesting writing style, the use of the stream-of-consciousness helped to ground your character into his environment. It was funny was falling with him all the way.

Shelley said...

Nice Flash Fiction story Golden Eagle! Very creative! :)

Michael Di Gesu said...

Hi, Golden,

Sorry I've been so scarce. Vacationing will do that to you. Now I'm back and I am so glad I dropped in. Great entry.

I was too late to post.

The visible tension and action spoke volumes in the piece. Well done.

CherylAnne Ham said...

I love your approach to this challenge. It's very different from the others I've read. All the action was great. Good Job. :D

Shelley Koon said...

Nice opening action scene - does a good job of piquing my interest setting up the story ;)

Golden Eagle said...

Christine: Thank you! :) I'm glad you liked it.

Francesca: Thanks!

I wasn't sure if that would work as well as I'd originally thought; it isn't quite as clear as just third person.

Ann: Thanks!

I do, too.

Lucy: It's at


. . . and Avery listed the full URL below. :)

Avery: Thanks! That's the effect I wanted.

Angelina: I'm glad you liked it! :D

Misha: Thank you!

E.R.: I'm glad you enjoyed it. :)

Heather: I wasn't sure how well I'd get the sense of falling across; since I've never actually been parahuting/skydiving. :P

Bridget: Thank you!

I'll definitely hop over and read your entry.

Cathy: Awesome. After all, that's what keeps a reader reading. :)

Charles: Thank you! Glad you enjoyed it.

Tara: Thanks!

Kallysten: Not much space to do otherwise--which is why they call it a challenge, I suppose. :)

Emily: Thank you!

I'm not sure. I like the idea, but I've already got other projects and ideas in the works . . . maybe sometime.

K.T.: Thank you.

You're welcome! I enjoyed reading your entry. :)

Brianna: Thanks!

J.L.: No, I don't really have much experience; other than trying my hand at other flash fiction and SF.

Thank you!

Christa: Now I've started to toy with the idea of continuing on this story . . . the idea about the aliens was just a thought, but it could be expanded on.

Angie: Thanks! :)

Richard: Glad you thought so!

MC: Thank you!

Shiraz: Me, too--other than the larger genres, anything with action draws me in. :)

Mood: I haven't come across another airborne scene yet, either. Hope I do, though--I'd like to see how another writer would tackle it!

Golden Eagle said...

Jenny: Thanks! :)

Will swing by to read yours.

Edith: I'm glad you enjoy them! :D

I've become rather fond of Jim; though he doesn't make an appearance in any of my other writing.

Michele: Thank you! :)

Tessa: Thanks! Tension is what I was aiming for.

LOL. I will do my best to bring some good SF to you--maybe even in the form of a published book. ;)

Hektor: I'm glad you like it! I wasn't sure about the mix of first-person and third.

Liza: Thank you!

And thanks for the "like". :)

Old Kitty: I'm glad you enjoyed it!

Thanks! :)

Catherine: Thanks. I did hope it would get across the immediacy of the scene.

Susanna: Thank you!

Carrie: Thanks! :D

Mel: Glad you did. :)

I'll be sure to hop over and read yours.

Cherie: Thank you. :)

Alberta: Thanks!

Well, better to go out with a bang, I suppose--or a glider, in this case. ;)

Sonia: I've never been skydiving; though I might someday (relatively remote chance).

Deniz: Glad you enjoyed it. :)

Raelyn: Thank you!

Madison: I was afraid there might be hitch, actually, since the perspective's through both third-person and Jim's thoughts. :)

Golden Eagle said...

Julie: Thanks! :) Not that I want people feeling dizzy, but I'm glad you got a sense of the scene.

Len: Thanks!

You're welcome--your entry was excellent!

Melissa: Thank you. :)

Thanks for following my blog. Welcome to The Eagle's Aerial Perspective.

Medeia: Thank you so much!

You too. :)

ali: Thank you!

Sarah: Well, I might continue this story; once I finish the other several ideas stewing in my head right now. LOL.

Memzie: Thank you!

I like the idea--though we could all just sign up for Rachael Harrie's Campaign. :D

Elaine: I'm glad you liked the style. I was't sure it would be effective, switching from first/second and third.

Shelley: Thank you! :)

Michael: We all need a break now and then; and besides, it was awesome to be able to see the pics from your vacation!

Well, you could still post, but not link up--I'm sure there are readers who'd love to see your entry! I know I would. :)

Thank you!

Cheryl: Thanks! :)

Shelley: Thanks--I'm glad you liked the scene!

Unknown said...

I liked it and I'll go like it. Great!!!

Ms Saba (aka Teacher007.5) said...

I really liked it! A lot of action and I could feel the tension. I don't think I want to meet their captain!! :D

My fiction piece is #128 THe Creek :)

Maxwell Mead Williams Robinson Barry said...

love the time and space your words fly cross.
well done.

china said...

Nice sense of action and pacing!

Kimberly said...

That was awesome. I totally felt like I was there in the moment with him.

Tina DC Hayes said...

Good luck with your flash fiction challenge entry. :) It has a cool Sci-fi adventure feel to it. :)

Joanna said...

This was an action packed, punchy piece that gripped me. i am voting for it! I am # 238

anthony stemke said...

I liked the story. HELP, I cannot find the linkylist which I need because I want to vote for this fine effort.

Unknown said...

That was a fun take on the prompt! Any mention of a secret mission and I'm interested. And I like how you don't "waste words" in your sentences. Guess you can't when you have a 200 word limit!

Stephanie said...

Lots of backstory packed into it and I'm already curious about who Jim is and what his mission is.

MyTricksterGod said...

It felt like real-time, especially when he was falling, though I felt a pang of fear b/c I fell a little too much into it(I'm a little drowsy, so that should explain why I felt a pang of fear).
Despite the entry not dealing with War, I couldn't help but refer back to a war program that shared similar flight settings. It is called "Band of Brothers" where they're about to jump out of the plane of D-day, into germany.
but lets not digress, this entry holds the element of real-time.
Kudos and cookies.

Emily Rose said...

I've awarded you the Lovely Blog Award. Congrats!


Golden Eagle said...

RaShelle: Thank you so much! :)

Ms Saba: LOL. Me, neither--I had wondered if anyone would mention that detail!

Morning: Thank you! :)

China: Thanks!

Kimberly: Thank you.

I'm glad I managed to make it seem so realistic--I've never actually been skydiving/parachuting. :P

Tina: Thank you!

That's what I was aiming for. :)

Joanna: Thank you! :)

Anthony: Thanks!

Here's the link:

. . . sorry for not adding that to the post before! I suppose I just assumed visitors would be Campaigners, and they'd know where to vote.

Rachel: Thanks!

Nope, not really. ;)

Stephanie: Me, too. LOL. I'm not really sure, since this is the only piece I've written in this world.

MyTricksterGod: Intriguing! I haven't heard of Band of Brothers before; I should look it up.

Thank you! :)

Emily: I'll be right over! Thank you so much for awarding me.

David P. King said...

Fantastic writing, Eagle! I think I've yet to see some fiction from you, but that was great. Fast paced and led by an interesting character.

Great job! :)

MyTricksterGod said...

Its a good series to look at. Band of Brothers is a 10-part film about a company and their braving through WWII, based on true stories.

Simon Kewin said...

Loved it! A perfect little snapshot of a whole bigger tale; great voice; intriguing action and setting. Thanks for posting!

Golden Eagle said...

David: Thank you!

Really? I've posted fiction before . . . but I suppose that was before I found your awesome blog. :)

MyTricksterGod: Thanks for the info. :)

I just looked up the film--have you read the book Band of Brothers is based on? I haven't, but it sounds worth the read.

Simon: I'm glad you enjoyed it!

You're very welcome. :)

anthony stemke said...

Okay, to make a long story short, I voted for you. Good luck, you deserve to win.

Chantele Sedgwick said...

Great job, Eagle! Loved this. I especially liked the 3rd person. You don't see many of those anymore. ;)

S.C. Wade said...

Very nice action!

DEZMOND said...

nice one, Eagle!

Unknown said...

Okay, now I want to see it expanded. Sounds like my kind of book!

Just another sci-fi/fantasy writer dropping by from the campaign.

Shannon Lawrence said...

Exciting! Loved the action and him worrying about the captain when he obviously has so much else to worry about.

Mine is #291: http://thewarriormuse.blogspot.com/2011/09/first-campaign-challenge-flash-fiction.html

MyTricksterGod said...

The band of Brother's book? I hadn't known there was one.
It has to be off the charts, because the films and its premise are spectacular.
It especially touches the heart because of such political-economic turmoil our society and world civilization is experiencing right now.
What leadership we have not!
But I'm ready to make some history (and maybe even some herstory too.)

Karen said...

What an action piece! Felt like I was also falling. Great job! :)

Golden Eagle said...

Anthony: Thank you so much! :)

Chantele: Thanks!

I love third-person . . . though I do enjoy a good book written in second or first. ;)

S.C.: Thank you!

Dezmond: Thanks! :)

A. B.: Welcome to The Eagle's Aerial Perspective! It's nice to meet you, fellow Campaigner.

Shannon: I'm glad you enjoyed it! :)

MyTricksterGod: Apparently there is . . .

Me, too. It would be amazing to make a mark in some way on the human story, wouldn't it?

Karen: Thank you! :)

Arlee Bird said...

Sounds like the start of a great adventure.

Tossing It Out

MyTricksterGod said...

But there is a way to make a virtuous mark upon immortal history, and thankfully it doesn't entail picking up a gun this time. We could face this world bankruptcy by invoking a national and trans-national science driver project amongst big name nations and thus flank this meaningless social downfall with a revived mission that invokes the true nature of the human individual's creativity.
The time to make a mark is now! There's actually gonna be a "march on wallstreet" on sept. 17th... but O! You live on a fault line! You may not be able to come.

Golden Eagle said...

Arlee: I might just turn it into a longer story . . . though it's not like I don't have other projects to finish at the moment. This one will have to wait on the back burner.

MyTricksterGod: No, I won't be there; it's too far away, for one. I'm unable to get to NYC. :P

Unknown said...

Action-packed story! Great job keeping me at the edge of my seat! I'm still trying to get them all read! Mine's 274 if you're still reading, too.

Golden Eagle said...

Candy: Thank you! :)

LOL. There are a lot of entries. I sort of stopped reading them after a while . . . though I do read the entries of those who stop by mine.