{With commentary}
Stefan: *shock* OMG, that looks like my old girlfriend who turned me into a vampire and drove me to kill my brother who killed me afterwards! I'm going to have to ignore her. {Smart plan!}
Elena: I am so freaking mad that he ignored me and I'm going to dump my close friend Matt for him and then I'm going to make my friends swear a blood oath that I'm going to get that guy!
Matt: I see. You know, Elena, the only things you want in life are the things you don't have. {SO true. I like this guy! He's got a brain.}
Bonnie: I'm a psychic! Let me read your future . . . {I don't really believe in psychic powers, in case you didn't know. :P}
Stefan: Grr, that girl is driving me nuts. I'm not sure I'll be able to resist drinking her blood if I stay in town any longer, and do you know just how much she reminds me of my old girlfriend Katherine? Oh, hold it, I have a sad story to tell:
One day, my brother, oh-so-handsome-Damon was telling my father he was going to drop out of school and my dad had a fit. And then Katherine came in--the love of my life--and started smiling at my brother in that way, and I felt like I was going to explode since I realized she loved the both of us.
Elena: I HAVE COME UP WITH A PLAN TO GET STEFAN SALVATORE! {Oh, save me.}
Matt: WHO IS THIS JEAN-CLAUDE?!
Elena: He was a gardener in Paris; married with two kids but I'm using his photo to make Stefan jealous!
Meredith: *gives the look*
Stefan: Oh, god, she's coming my way with some speech.
Elena: Hi! I'm supposed to show you around the school--
Stefan: MATT! Can I try out for the football team? PLEASE? Just get me away from her!! {Smart, once again.}
Elena: *gapes* He . . . ignored me again! AAAGGH!
Matt: You're on the team!
Later . . .
Elena: You ARE going to get him to go to the dance right Matt? Because I need to seduce him or I'll die!
Matt: Yes, yes, he'd said he'd come. -_-
Elena: *nearly swoons* Oh, oh, oh! There he is . . . would you like to dance?
Stefan: *reaches out* {Man, you made a mistake there.}
Caroline: Looky! It's my old best friend moving in on my date I'll have to go stop her and spite her!
Elena: *shock* Well then! I'll just have to act like a total jerk {*ahem* there are worse words for this . . .} and let Tyler Smallwood dance with me and hang out with the worst crowd at the dance and get drunk and go to the cemetery where a man was killed a few days ago! {Brilliant, Elena. Just brilliant.}
Tyler: Let's open a grave!
Vickie: *stares*
Elena: THE HEADSTONE IS MOVING OMG I'M FAINTING AND FEEL LIKE I'M GOING TO DIE!
Tyler: I'll save you!
Stefan: GAAA get away from her! *throws Tyler and his goons* Come on, Elena. I'll drive you home from my place. {This is where it starts to go really, really bad.}
Elena in his apartment: I am so ANGRY! He acts like I'm unattractive! All I do is whine all day!
Stefan: *groans* Elena . . .
Elena: You do love me!
Stefan: *surrendering and kisses her* {One thing I have to say, there's a lot of sap in this book. This is the guy I want to be with forever and I can't believe how well we were made for each other and GAG ME. The romance is overboard.}
There is a lot of this. Then . . .
Bonnie: THIS GUY IS DEAD! *screams*
Tyler: Stefan did this!
Elena: Matt, warn him!
Stefan: *tears up room of apartment when he gets home out of frustration*
Elena: *chases after Stefan* Stefan! Why are you *gulp* eating those doves?
Stefan: Vamp, girl.
Elena: *collapses into his arms*
Stefan: I love you . . . *chomp*
Elena: Drink my blood, Stefan . . .
Stefan: *displays neck* Chomp on me . . .
Damon: Elena! Get over here because I want my brother to be miserable and I need human blood!
Elena: *swoons* Damon . . . WAIT, Stefan!
Stefan: What's up with you today?
Elena: Nothing I'm perfectly fine and dandy and why don't you just ignore the new bite marks on my neck?
Damon: Caroline's got your diary and if you'll let me drink again I'll get it for you . . .
Elena: NO! STEFAN! HELP!
Stefan: *growls* I've got a plan!
Bonnie: I'm feeling psychic again . . .
Meredith: *gives the look*
{They get the diary but then Stefan disappears and Elena goes after him.}
Elena: OH NO I'm being followed and I've got to get over that rickety and Damon's after me!
Storm whips around her and the bridge collapses under her car.
Stefan: NOOOOO!
Damon: FIGHT ME, BROTHER! TO THE DEATH!
*general fighting*
Elena: I sense him . . . My sense are more powerful than before . . . {she has no idea she's a vampire}
Damon: He said you were dead!
Elena: *cuddles Damon* I'm not dead, silly. I love you!
Stefan: *gapes*
Damon: *gapes*
I've finally found a book worse than The Twilight Saga. Would you believe it? This story is ridiculous, the plot is unoriginal, and everything was predictable.
-----The Golden Eagle
