26 June, 2011

Blogfest Interrupted

Information on this blogfest:

"On Sunday, June 26th, post a 500-1000 word scene of your characters being interrupted - doesn't matter what they're doing, doesn't matter what's interrupting them (end of the world, knock on the door, little voice in their head...), they just need to be interrupted."

My entry:

“Did you hear that?”
   “No,” I snap, frowning at the paper in front of me. Too much ramble, too much diplomacy. I can’t understand those politicians, always trying to make something out of nothing. Can’t they speak straight-like for once?
   “I’m sure I heard something,” he insists.
   “Go away!” I snarl. “I’m trying to do something here!”
   “You’re crabby,” he says, cool as ice water. He stands up and hefts the only weapon in the room.
   “Put that down.”
   “Yes, Commander,” he says, knowing that’ll get to me. I glower at the paper.
   I do hope you understand the nature of my request—
   I manage to read that much before he knocks me to the ground. He shields me as there’s some great explosion outside the building, but I shove him off and snatch the weapon from him.
   “Are you crazy?” I demand.
   “Are you crazy?” he says, glaring. “A just bomb went off! Barely 20 meters away, if I had to guess!”
   “Nothin’ we can do,” I say, sitting down again at the table. “If those dratted alley boys got themselves into trouble, it ain’t our problem, is it?”
   You’re the one who’s so insistent on keeping people safe.”
   “Yeah, but I don’t get myself chased by riot police, now, do I?”
   It’s true. I don’t, but some people don’t have a whip of sense, now, do they?
   Moments later: “I don’t like it here,” he says, like there’s something I’m supposed to do about that.
   I throw down my pen. I thought I had gotten through one of the blasted politician’s lines and he interrupts me again, distractin’ me from my thoughts. “Go away.”
   “And do what?”
   Sigh. He’s always got to have some kind of truth in his words, no matter how short those sentences be. Infuriating when people are like that, ain’t it?
   “Something,” I snap.
   All’s quiet.
   I even get some words down in response to the politician’s letter. I’m quite impressed with myself. Who knew my poor ol’ brain could come up with In response to your courteous letter recently forwarded to us, we have decided . . . er, what we decided.
   Okay. Not totally finished, eh?
   There’s lots of peaceful silence. Until he declares he hears a military convoy approaching.
   “You’re always hearing things,” I say, shrugging. My reply is evaporating as he distracts me.
   “I really do think—“
   “I really do think you should be quiet!”
   “Sorry, Commander.”
   “Don’t call me that!”
   “Yes, C—“
   “Shut up.”
   “Got it.”
   “Didn’t I just say to shut up?” I snarl. He meets me gaze with a demure, open expression, like, How could I possibly be affecting anything here?
   Infuriating. I hate him.
   Just a little.
   But he nods, and we’re at peace again.
   “What’s a fancy, politician word for ‘decline’?”
   “You would know that better than I do.”
   Sigh again. Maybe . . . “We feel your proposal is too hasty?” I suggest.
   “Try ‘abrupt and without the consideration we feel is due for the situation’. It sounds more like a politician phrase.”
   I nod. He’s right, don’t you think?
   “I think I hear that convoy again.”
   “Be quiet.” Note that I don’t say shut—
   “Duck!” he shouts, and I’m thrown to the floor a second time.
   Dang it. I just wanted to finish that letter, and here I am with this irritating boy on top of me, soldiers outside the door, and . . . oh yes, gunshots. Those are gunshots, right?
   “Gunshots,” he whispers, too close to my ear.
   “Shut up.”
   A bullet digs into the wooden walls behind us, and he presses himself harder against me, like that’s going to help stop a bullet. It’s just going to squash me like a bug.
   “I think they’re gone,” I whisper, after a while.
   I feel him nod. Then he’s off me, and I creak and groan and protest and generally look horrible to make him feel guilty.
   He looks guilty. I feel some satisfaction. I sit down at the table again.
   Aw, to heck with it.
   I write:
   Our answer is no. Please don’t bother us again, okay?
   Not politician speech . . . but hey, it works.

(699 words)

***This is the same character in my entry for a writing contest HERE. It's just a scene I've been thinking about for a while, and I've gotten attached to her voice. If you're wondering why there's no name . . . I haven't given her one yet.***

-----The Golden Eagle


Cinette said...

I like it! The scene AND her voice. She sounds like someone I'd get along with. Or get into a fist fight with;-)

Heather said...

I love this character's voice, spunky and focused. I'd definitely read more! Excellent entry!

Trisha said...

Nice idea for a blogfest :)

Charles Gramlich said...

usually when my characters get interrupted it's by a dead body.

Josh Hoyt said...

Great job it is a fun read!

M.J. Fifield said...

This is a great idea for a blogfest. The scene is a lot of fun to read!

Old Kitty said...

Sometimes plain speaking is the best!!!

Nothing like a guy throwing themselves on top of you ever so often to interrupt things! :-)

Excellent piece! Thank you! take care

Anonymous said...

I have to agree with Heather, I'd definitely want to read more. Fabulous characterisation.

Ellie Garratt

Sash said...

That's a great scene!!! Lots of annoying interruptions, there...and a perfect example how one person's annoying interruption is another's vital necessity...poor guy, just wanting to do his duty... and damn those politicians, anyway, LOL

Thank you for taking part in my blogfest!

Michael Offutt said...

I got the feeling I'm in a war zone.

Alleged Author said...

What a spunky character!

ali said...

She has such a snarky voice, and I love it!

Great entry Eags!

Tony Benson said...

I love this piece. It's well written and I like the voice.

Talli Roland said...

Fab idea for a blogfest! I really enjoyed reading this. Great character voice!

Susan Kane said...

Good intro with a bomb going off. She is a sassy MC.

Laila Knight said...

I love your character. Terrific excerpt, would definitely love to read more. You are so creative with all these blogfests.

Chantele Sedgwick said...

Great read! Loved it. I'd definitely

That 20 Something Virgin. said...

you've definitely got a lot of interruptions! and i'd definitely read more, i enjoy the character

Anonymous said...

Love your use of dialogue. Oblique and PERFECT.

Made for a great read. Thanks for sharing!

M Pax said...

I loved this scene. Great job. Got a good taste for your characters and some nice drama.

N. R. Williams said...

Now that is one determined character to write a response. Well done.
N. R. Williams, The Treasures of Carmelidrium

Krispy said...

Wow, that's a lot of interruption. I like her attitude. Unflappable and snarky. :)

anthony stemke said...

A great idea for a blogfest.
Thank You.

Susan Fields said...

I love the voice here, especially how the mc keeps asking us questions. Fun entry!

Samantha Sotto-Yambao said...

Spunky and snarky! My kind of character :-) Great entry!

Deepali said...

oooo good read! :) Gunshots always up the tension too..

The Golden Eagle said...

Cinette: I'm glad you liked it! :)

LOL. She's easygoing enough, most of the time--her snarky side really came out in this piece.

Heather: Thanks! Glad you enjoyed it. :D

Trisha: I agree! Kudos to Sash for coming up with it. :)

Charles: No dead bodies here, but that would make for a dramatic interruption!

Josh: Thank you! :)

M.J.: I had to sign up when I first heard of it!

I'm glad you enjoyed it.

Old Kitty: Definitely!

LOL. Nope. ;)

Glad you liked it!

Ellie: Thanks!

I'm thinking about continuing her story, once I'm done with the rewrites I'm currently trying to finish--she's calling to me. And, she's very insistent. :D

Sash: Thank you!

I feel bad for him, too; but he has his methods of dealing with this MC. :)

It was a lot of fun! Thank you for hosting.

Michael: It is like a war zone, as I thought of it--I don't want to give much of the story away, but they live in a junkyard that's part of a city controlled by the military junta.

Alleged: Yup--that's why I want to break away from rewrites and work on her story! Her voice is calling to me. :P

Ali: Glad you enjoyed it! :)

Thank you!

The Golden Eagle said...

Tony: Thanks! I'm glad you liked it. :)

Talli: Thank you! Glad you enjoyed reading my piece.

Susan: LOL. Yes, she is. :)

Laila: Thank you! :D

Blogfests are a nice break where I can write something random and have a lot of fun with it--and they are a short vacation from rewrites. :P

Chantele: Thanks!

Wow. A lot of people seem to want more of this character. :)

20 Something Virgin: Glad you like the character!

Bryce: Thank you!

You're welcome--I'm glad you enjoyed it!

M: Thanks! :)

Nancy: It's important to her future, and the future of many she knows.

Thank you!

Krispy: Glad you like it!

Anthony: Sash had the right idea when she announced this blogfest! :)

You're very welcome!

Susan: Thank you!

I did that the last time I worked with her--and I really liked the way it came out. So, I decided to try that little trick again.

Samantha: LOL. Mine, too. ;)

Thank you!

Deepali: Thanks!

Particularly when they're flying toward the MC. :P

Edith F. said...

Ooh, I LIKE this. :D I'd probably be a pretty blunt person myself if I didn't have a slightly overdeveloped sense of tact. So often I want to deliver the "Our answer is no" type of line, but my tact gets in the way. I should probably tell it to shoo!

This girl maybe deserves a serial, or something. She'd do well in a novel, too, but somehow I like the episodic feel to the excerpts you have so far.