08 March, 2012

Second Campaigner Challenge Of The Fourth Campaign

The Platform-Building Campaign was started by Rachael Harrie from Rach Writes...

I highly recommend checking out her blog; and if you don't know what the Campaign is all about, in very short form it's to bring bloggers/writers together. Learn more HERE.

About this Second Campaigner Challenge:

***If you know this stuff already, you can cut to the chase by scrolling to the line of asterisks.***

Prompt 1:

Two people are sitting together under the remains of a concrete bridge. Their backs are against a rusted bridge support. One person’s leg is cut. The other person has wet hair.

Prompt 2:


(Source)
Prompt 3

(Source)
Prompt 4

(Source)
Prompt 5

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Second Campaigner Challenge

Do one or more of the following:
  1. Write a pitch/logline for a book based on the prompts (less than 100 words)
  2. Write a short story/flash fiction piece of less than 200 words based on the prompts
  3. Write a poem with a twist using the prompts as inspiration (in less than 200 words)
  4. Write a story/poem in five sentences, each sentence based on one of the prompts
  5. Write a poem/flash fiction piece (in less than 200 words) about the water pear *without* using the words “pear”, “spoon”, or “droplet”.
For added difficulty/challenge:
  • Complete at least three of the above activities and tie them all together with a common theme (feel free to either state the theme in your post or leave us to guess what it might be)
  • Write in a genre that is not your own
  • Ask Challenge entrants to critique your writing. After the Challenge closes, you may wish to re-post your revised piece(s), and I’ll include a Linky List at the bottom of this post for those wishing more feedback on their revisions (note: revised entries will not be judged, so please label clearly your original post and your revisions. Please do not offer critique unless someone asks for it, as per the usual blogging conventions. If you do ask for critique, make sure you ask for it clearly so people know you want it, and please be prepared to receive feedback that may not be 100% glowing. If you are a critiquer, please be tactful and courteous, and remember to provide positives as well as negatives.)





********************


“That didn’t blow up easily, did it?”
   I laughed, though it was mostly out of nervous tension instead of amusement.
   Noticing a small trickle of blood oozing across the ground toward my leg, I asked, “You okay with that cut?”
   Xayne shrugged. “It’ll heal. You sure you ain’t gonna catch a cold, being all wet like that?”
   “Yeah.”
   He leaned back against one of the few remaining supports, and I saw a few pieces of rust fall into his hair as he hit the corrugated surface.
   Someone squealed.
   “Stupid kids,” Xayne muttered, closing his eyes.
   I craned upwards to see a group of children already exploring the scraps of bridge left behind from the blast. I felt like shouting a warning as a particularly brazen one walked too close to the edge, but an older boy hauled him away.
   Xayne said a moment later, “Think he’ll get the message?”
   “If an exploding bridge ain’t enough, then he’s even more insane than the Leader thinks he is. Which would mean we’re in pretty deep.”
   “Thought that was already established.”
   “True. Sending a lethal, acidic pear simulacrum to the hospital disguised as a food donation was damned low.”


Stats:
Used Prompt 1, Prompt 2, Prompt 3, and Prompt 4 
Flash fiction under 200 words (196)

And now, to choose an "added difficulty/challenge", I'm going to ask you to critique my entry. I probably won't post the revised one, but it would great to know what you think. Don't spare my feelings, either--rip away. :)

I'm #81 on the Linky List.


-----The Golden Eagle

35 comments:

DWei said...

Man, the economy in that world must have been pretty bad if hospitals are accepting random food donations.

Liza said...

Hi,

This was intriguing. Two minor critiques. When you say: Do you think he got the message at first I think you mean the kid who walked too close to the bridge. You mean someone else, right? Second, in the sentence that starts "He leaned back" you have the word "few" in there twice. Other than that, it was a good story that left me wondering. (#30)

Morgan said...

Hah! The "Sending a lethal, acidic pear simulacrum to the hospital disguised as a food donation was damned low" was so clever. I loved that!

Nice work here. I enjoyed this. "Liked" ;)

Old Kitty said...

Hah! That'll teach the Leader! LOL!

Excellent story - thank you! Take care
x

Krista McLaughlin said...

That will teach them, I guess. Great use of the prompts!

Mark Noce said...

Wow, quite a challenge! I don't know that I'm hurting for ideas...just time to execute all the writing I wish to do:)

Trisha said...

I love how it ends :)

Emily R. King said...

Intriguing piece. I like how much you showed through dialogue. Well done!

Jessica Salyer said...

I like the way you incorporated the pear. Nicely done!

Stuart Nager said...

wondering who that someone else is.

Nicely put together GE.

Christine Rains said...

Great dialogue and clever bit with the pear. Well done!

Rusty Webb said...

Well done. It's impressive you can throw so many prompts into a 200 word narrative. Tough stuff to pull off.

Rachel Morgan said...

Well done for getting those prompts to work together for you. It's been interesting to see how people have worked the pear in, especially!

Gwen said...

Great dialog and motion here!

#38

Michael Offutt, Tebow Cult Initiate said...

Wonderful writing on display here. I think the dialogue is done quite well.

Jamie Gibbs said...

Very nice :) Stupid kids playing on an exploded bridge. Theyll get whats coming to them.

Shannon Lawrence said...

Well done! I also at first thought the one who learned a lesson was the kid. Maybe add something in as a transition?

Shannon at The Warrior Muse, co-host of the 2012 #atozchallenge! Twitter: @AprilA2Z

Rek said...

Well done, liked the dialogue and the problem with flash, some things have to be left out leaving readers guessing.
Lesson learnt hopefully both by the children and the others.

tfwalsh said...

The prompts don't look that easy, but you did an awesome job with it... nicely done.

Traci Kenworth said...

I like it. I do wonder about the message though. Was it a warning to stay away from the bridge, for all?

Humpty Dumpty said...

You managed to work in four of the prompts and did it very well. (I couldn't figure out how to work in the pear thing.) Great job!

BTW. thanks for commenting on mine (I'm Susan from My Withershins)

Sarah Pearson said...

I found this really difficult. You made it look effortless :-)

MISH said...

I really battled with this.
You did a great job! I especially loved the closing line...

Belle said...

Very cool! Loved your story.

Margo Kelly said...

Nicely done ... the only thing that bothered me was putting "the" before a proper noun "Leader" ... If Leader is the name given to someone important, you wouldn't put "the" in front of it. Correct me if I'm wrong. :)

Otherwise I really enjoyed the piece.

I'm one of the judges, and I'm advancing you to stage two of the judging process.

CONGRATULATIONS!!

Melissa said...

Nicely done! Very original. ; )
Melissa Maygrove #14

Susan Roebuck said...

That was good, GE! And, yes, sending that food parcel was low... Well done for incorporating the prompts

The Golden Eagle said...

DWei: You know, I hadn't thought of that. But it actually fits in with the world I'd built in my head.

Liza: Thank you for the critique! :)

Morgan: Thanks--I'm glad you enjoyed it!

Old Kitty: It's a different character that they're targeting, but the Leader is probably in for a revelation as well.

You're very welcome! :)

Krista: Thank you!

Mark: It can be hard to find time to write.

Trisha: I'm glad you liked the ending.

Emily: Thanks!

Jessica: I wasn't quite sure how to use that prompt, but I managed to fit it in, finally.

Thank you.

Stuart: Thank you! :)

Christine: Thanks.

Rusty: Thanks!

When I first read the word limit, I stared at it for a few moments. Fitting one or two prompts is one thing, but I wasn't sure I'd be able to get more than that into one piece. :P

Rachel: It has been. It doesn't really fit in with the others (that and the abstract one).

Gwen: Thank you. :)

Michael: Glad you like the dialogue; most of the time my characters are quiet.

Jamie: Thank you!

Uh, I didn't actually mean to target the kids. There's another antagonist that these two are trying to message.

Shannon: Good point.

Thanks for the critique!

Rek: Thank you!

Tfwalsh: Thanks. :)

Traci: Glad you like it!

I hadn't thought of the action that way; I pictured it merely as a warning to the antagonist. But if there was something wrong about the bridge for both sides . . . interesting!

Humpty Dumpty: Thank you!

I really enjoyed reading yours. :)

Sarah: You did, too. And I'm not just saying that--your entry was very well done!

MISH: Thank you!

Belle: Glad you enjoyed it. :)

Margo: Since the characters don't speak with perfect grammar, I had been thinking of it as an informal title used by them and other individuals belonging to their group. Does that make sense? Becuase I see your point, and the grammarian in me protests using "the". :P

Thank you so much! I'm thrilled to make it to round two of judging. :)

Melissa: Thank you!

Susan: Thanks. :)

Deniz Bevan said...

Love that last line! It reminds me of the deadly plant in Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix...

C.M.Brown said...

A great read! I liked how you created the world through the use of dialogue, and made it flow beautifully! You made the challenge look easy!

RaeAnn said...

Gosh, that was amazing! Love it! More please...?
Pssst...#77(hint...)

David P. King said...

I always love how smooth your dialogue is. Never forced and so natural. Really draws me into your writing. Nice one! :)

The Golden Eagle said...

Deniz: I don't recall the plant . . . but glad you liked the line. :)

C.M.: Thank you so much!

RaeAnn: LOL. Well, I'm not sure if I'm going to expand it into a novel, but if I do I'll let you know. ;)

David: Thanks! That means a lot to me, because dialogue used to be one of my weakest points.

Elise Fallson said...

Like a lot of other commenters I too liked the last line. But also your opening line, which was great and hooked me right away! “That didn’t blow up easily, did it?” is not the sort of thing you read every day, at least not me. Love it!

The Golden Eagle said...

Elise: Thank you! :) It was the first thing that entered my head when I read the prompt "remains of a bridge".