23 March, 2011

Crusader Challenge

The goldfish bowl teetered.
   The wolves howled in the distance and the raptor shrieked overhead. The wind blew softly and the grass swished in its wake.
   The goldfish bowl slid closer to the edge.
   The river splashed across the rocks. The fish swam among the ripples, flashing bright in the night's darkness. The trees creaked, their branches dipping low and swinging high.
   The goldfish bowl began to fall.
   The wolves began to run, heading for their destination. The raptor spiraled upward, then dived toward a target only it could see.
   The goldfish bowl shattered.
   All was quiet.

*****

To find out more about this Crusader Challenge, or if you want to visit the others also participating, go HERE.


-----The Golden Eagle

64 comments:

Cherie Reich said...

Very nice! Great description. :)

Deborah Walker said...

Nice work. Very exciting in so few words.

Sherri said...

Yes, very nice indeed!

Michael Di Gesu said...

Very exciting, Golden.

Terrific imagery in such a short piece.

Jai Joshi said...

Oh, this is intriguing.

Jai

Sierra Gardner said...

Great imagery! I'm really impressed by writing a poem for the flash fiction piece!

Carol Riggs said...

Lovely imagery, and a nice format. The goldfish bowl, shattering amongst the circle of life. :) Good job!

Mary Mary said...

You definitely have a great way with description! Thanks for dropping by mine! Good luck!

Donea Lee said...

Some lovely description here! Really comes full circle - nice. :)

Nahno McLein said...

Nice one.

Can't wait to read the science for A-Z.
Nahno ∗ McLein

Nas Dean said...

Nice twist to the the goldfish and its bowl!

BTW, I'm hosting Roland D Yeomans today, who self-published his book THE BEAR WITH TWO SHADOWS and is sharing his journey with us as well as a four book giveaway!

li said...

I'm enjoying these! I missed the deadline for this Crusade, but hoping to get in on the next one. The style reminds me of haiku.

M Pax said...

I loved your setting, and the way you wrote it is like a poem. Which I love :)

Michael Offutt said...

This was extremely exciting to read. Thank you for posting it :)

Summer Ross said...

Very interesting- I get the impression from this piece everything was coming from the goldfish bowl. Nicely done

Alleged Author said...

Won't someone think of the goldfish bowl? Tee hee. I'm loving reading these flash fictions entries.

Old Kitty said...

Golden Eagle!! What a stunning piece!!!! Wow!!! I love the juxtaposition of the teetering gold fish bowl about to crash and the bigger picture of raw and powerful nature at its most savagely instinctive!!! Wonderful! Take care
x

Ben Langhinrchs said...

Well done. Good imagery, and leaves some mystery while still feeling complete.

Trisha said...

Nice - I love how it built up and then everything got quiet :)

kelworthfiles said...

Well, I liked the imagery, but I came away not sure what it all meant - what the connection was between the fish and the other animals. Maybe I'm coming at it from too literal or pedestrian an angle... :-/

The Words Crafter said...

You crafted a very visual and textured scene, well done!

Misha said...

Interesting imagery! I loved reading it!

taio said...

nice

J.C. Martin said...

Very vivid imagery, great job!

Sylvia van Bruggen said...

wow I am so impressed with your word painting skills :)

awesome writing, and what a great flash!

Charles Gramlich said...

Just lovely writing!

Jen Chandler said...

Oooh. I love this. Beautiful story. All the action is intermingled. Great job :D

~Jen

catherinemjohnson said...

Beautiful, and it even matches your blog background.

ali said...

I love the description in this Eagle!

The Golden Eagle said...

Cherie: Thank you! :)

Deborah: Thanks!

Sherri: Thank you!

Michael: Thanks! I'm glad you think so.

Jai: Thanks. :)

Sierra: It did come out poem-like. I didn't intend for it to happen!

Carol: Thank you!

Mary: Thanks! :)

Loved reading your entry, BTW.

Donea: Thank you!

Nahno: Thank you.

I'm working on them. ;)

Nas: Thanks!

I'll definitely hop over to check out the post! I'm avidly following the tour.

The Golden Eagle said...

Li: I hope you do become a Crusader! It's a lot of fun . . . even having to follow everyone. :)

I hadn't intended it to be that way--but I like it. :D

M: I'm glad you enjoyed it!

Michael: Thank you for reading it! :)

Summer: Thank you.

In a way, it is. I wanted the goldfish bowl to mean something other than just being a goldfish bowl about to fall. ;)

Alleged: I'm enjoyed them, too!

Old Kitty: Thank you so much!

I love the way you described it. At first, I hadn't meant it to have that sort of scope--but then I thought, "Why not?"

Ben: Thank you!

Trisha: I really wanted to end with that line. :)

Chris: I just meant it to have a connection; there really wasn't any specific reason for it or anything. :P

Glad you liked the imagery!

The Words Crafter: Thank you!

The Golden Eagle said...

Misha: Thanks! I'm so glad you enjoyed it. :)

Taio: Thank you!

J.C.: Thanks! :)

Sylvia: Thank you so much!

And thanks for coming by my blog. :)

Charles: Thank you!

Jen: Thank you. :)

Catherine: I hadn't thought of that! But I suppose it does. :D

Ali: Thanks!

Michelle Merrill said...

Ooh, that's cool. And I love how you use animals!

Rachel Morgan said...

This is great, very well written! I love the transition from the various noises of nature to the silence at the end.

Deirdra Eden-Coppel said...

I'm so excited! I had the honor of being your 500th follower!


I love your site and as I browsed your blog I decided to award you the Creative Blog Award.

Go to http://astorybookworld.blogspot.com/p/awards.html and pick up your award.

~Deirdra

Chantele Sedgwick said...

Great job! I was completely intrigued!! :D Nice chatting with you today by the way! :)

L'Aussie said...

There was great atmosphere in this piece Golden. Loved it.:D

Carolina Valdez Miller said...

Wow. That was excellent. Loved how you built up the tension in this, working towards that shattering bowl. I can only imagine what you could do with a longer piece. Great imagery!

Paul C said...

Congratulations on reaching 500. You have an interesting site here with lots of thoughtful writing.

Anne R. Allen said...

Congrats on hitting 500 followers and for helping me get sooooo close to that goal myself!

Great images in that poem. Such a creative way to interpret the flash fiction challenge.

Brian said...

I read a couple of these today, I enjoyed yours and could see that raptor!

(: Just Becca :) said...

Ooh, that was so cool! :D

alberta ross said...

beautiful and amazing

N. R. Williams said...

Well done, Golden. Tight, to the point with lots of action. I loved this.
Nancy
N. R. Williams, The Treasures of Carmelidrium.

Lynda R Young said...

Ha! Great entry for the challenge. It's a little different and I like that.

mist of the blossom rain said...

It makes me want to read more, and find out the significance of the goldfish bowl. Love the raptor touch, very exciting.

Julie Musil said...

What an excellent entry! Nice job.

Medeia Sharif said...

Good job!

Have a great weekend.

Cally Jackson said...

Evocative imagery, Golden Eagle. Great job!

Margo Benson said...

Fantastic piece, your description and atmoshere is wonderful.

Danette said...

Enjoyed your entry for the challenge! Cheers!

Ishta Mercurio said...

I love the way you did this - there is so much to think about here. Nice job!

....Petty Witter said...

Well, that was certainly an 'on the edge of my seat' post, thanks for sharing it.

Sangu said...

I LOVE this! It sounds beautiful and it's so intriguing.

Witless Exposition said...

A very striking piece! Very unlike the others I've read. Good job!

The Golden Eagle said...

Michelle: Thank you!

I love animals. :)

Rachel: Thank you! :)

Deirdra: HURRAY! :D

Thank you so much, Deirdra! Both for the follow and the award--I just posted about both. :)

Chantele: Thanks!

That was a fun chat. :)

L'Aussie: I'm glad you enjoyed it!

Carolina: Thank you so much!

I've never really tried that sort of description in a longer piece--I think I might try. It was fun writing this flash. :)

Paul: Thank you for the compliment!

Anne: Thank you! :)

Thanks!

Brian: I love birds of prey.

Becca: Thanks! I'm glad you liked it. :)

Alberta: Thank you!

Nancy: I'm glad you enjoyed it!

Lynda: Thank you!

Well, I wouldn't want to be the same. ;)

Emily: Hmmm! Imagine if a world was actually controlled by something like a goldfish bowl--oh, now I've got story ideas. LOL. :D

Thanks!

Julie: Thanks! :)

The Golden Eagle said...

Medeia: Thank you!

I hope you do, too. :)

Cally: Thank you!

Margo: Thanks! I'm glad you liked it. :)

Danette: Glad you enjoyed it!

Ishta: Thank you! :D

Tracy: You're very welcome. It was fun to write! :)

Sangu: I'm so glad you like it!

Witless Exposition: Thank you. :)

Jeanne said...

I practically had to get a second computer to scroll down your list of 8 million comments. Well done. Great descriptions, tone, foreboding and then the ending is so very tight. Loved it.

Kari Marie said...

Wow, the imagery you crafted here is amazing. Very nice piece.

L'Aussie said...

Hey I can't believe I didn't get to yours. It is beautiful. So descriptive.

Also 500! Wow! And to put everyone's name up in lights. Aren't you sweet!

Congrats on the awards. You are very deserving.

Sorry I don't get around enough but you know how it is. Thanks for your support of my blog too Golden.

Denise<3

L'Aussie said...

Geez, what an idiot! I had read it. That's why I thought it was familiar. Anyhow, hello again!

Alison Miller said...

Wow! Terrific imagery! Nicely done. PS - love the background for your blog!

Kerri Cuev said...

Great description. Love your take on this challange :)

The Golden Eagle said...

Jeanne: I hope I didn't slow down your blogging too much. :P Sorry about that!

I'm very glad you enjoyed it, though!

Kari: Thank you!

L'Aussie: No worries! It's easy to visit a blog you've already been too--I know I've done it before.

I hope the links come in handy! :)

Alison: Thank you!

Glad you like the background.

Kerri: Thanks! :D