19 October, 2011

The Rule of Three Blogfest: Third Renaissance Story

Read the first story HERE and the second HERE.

I shrieked again as another arrow hit my leg.
   “To my father’s house!” Corey shouted.
   I twisted around and looked at him. He hated his father.
   “Trust me, Nabil.”
   Fine, then.
   The humans lurched against my neck as I tore through the clouds, the freezing air enveloping the lot of us.
   “Is this creature insane?” the female screamed, and I could sense her fear.
   “Nabil always travels through the clouds!” Corey shouted back. “I don’t know why!”
   It was a short trip to Renaissance. I landed in the central square, and the people nearby screamed and ran.
   I sighed. Gone were the days when humans trusted us.
   Corey jumped off and ran toward his father’s building.
   I helped the female down my back by leaning to one side as she dismounted, earning a yelp.
   She glared at me as she marched away.
   I gave her a grin made of incisors.
   “Father!” Corey exclaimed, as his father marched out of a nearby building.
   I walked closer to my human, sending a cool breeze into the approaching man’s face.
   “Who is this girl?” he demanded.
   “Alejandra Digiovanni. Who am I addressing?”
   “Sir Anderson Pendergraft,” the man said. Then he turned to his son. “Corey, I want to know exactly what you think you were doing by running away!”
   “Having fun.”
   He glared.
   I snorted in disapproval.
   “Oh, be still, you cumbersome animal.”
   A strangely human idea, but I got the impulse to throw something at his head.
   “An army is headed this way,” the girl declared.
   “Is there?” the man asked.
   “Two thousand soldiers, at least. Your son said 333 people live here, so I would advise immediate evacuation.”
   “Miss Digiovanni, our affairs—“
   I rolled over onto my side, convulsing. A few people who’d gathered in the square hopped away, scattering like leaves.
   “Is something wrong with that animal?”
   “Um . . . are you all right, Nabil?” Corey asked.
   I grinned again. I couldn’t believe they didn’t know, when it was such common knowledge to any imbrangilae.
   “Er . . .”
   “Speak up! I will not have you mumbling like alley rubbish,” the man snapped.
   “Nabil seems to be . . . laughing.”
   “Laughing,” the female said. “Of all the things to do, that creature—“
   “Is there a reason, Father?”
   “You trust that animal more than me?”
   The man sighed.
   “Yes, there is a reason. No one can attack Renaissance,” he said.
   I got to my feet again. Now things were beginning to make sense.
   “What?” Corey demanded.
   “The imbrangilae protect it. They and the humans here made an agreement several hundred years ago that they would shelter us. No one has attacked this town in decades, hence it was never obvious to the current citizens of Renaissance.”
   “And what do the imbrangilae get in return?” my human asked.
   I glared at the man.
   “The humans aren’t holding up their part of the deal,” the girl offered.
   “That’s disgraceful!” Corey cried.
   “—But regardless, doesn’t anyone care about the army?” she continued.
   Corey’s father replied, “If I know the imbrangilae, they’ll have run them off by now.”
   I grunted in affirmation.
   “What’s that sound?” someone in the crowd called out.
   “It sounds like a number of imbrangilae flying toward us,” Corey said.
   The humans in the square were flustered enough, but the prospect of so many of us sent them panicking.
   “Why are they coming?” Corey shouted to his father, over the screams and yells.
   “To settle the agreement! They’ve decided it’s time we paid for not keeping our side of the bargain.”

(596 words)

This week's prompts:

  1. The impending misfortune foreshadowed in the 1st prompt comes to pass, but one or more characters laugh at it. (check)
  2. Betrayal is in the air.  (check)
  3. Relationships unravel or strengthen.
  4. A long-kept secret is revealed. (check)

About the REN3 Blogfest:

Stuart Nager at Tale Spinning, Damyanti Biswas at Daily (W)rite, Lisa Vooght at Flash Fiction, JC Martin at Fighter Writer.

A. What is the Rule of Three?
The “rule of three” is a principle in writing that suggests that things that come in threes are inherently funnier, more satisfying, or more effective than other numbers of things. The reader/audience of this form of text is also more likely to consume information if it is written in groups of threes. A series of three is often used to create a progression in which the tension is created, then built up, built up even more, and finally released. –Wikipedia 
B. How does the Rule of Three work in this blogfest?
The Rule of Three is a month-long fiction blogfest, where we’ve created a ‘world’, the town of Renaissance, and challenged you to create a story within it. The story will feature 3 characters of your creation, who will be showcased on your blog on 3 different Wednesdays or Thursdays, following the Rule of Three. The 4th Wednesday/Thursday posting you’ll have the culminating scene.

C. What is the Shared World of Rule of Three? Welcome to Renaissance.
Renaissance is an outpost town in the middle of nowhere, but many routes pass through or beside it. The desert is encroaching on one side (to the West), a once-lush forest lies to the East and South. A large river runs through the forest, but it is not close to the town. Mountains are to the North, far, far away, and when you look towards them you don’t know if they are an illusion or real. Closer by are the smaller hill chains that fed the mining, creating caverns and passages underground.
   The town has had a number of identities throughout its history: A trading post; a mining town; a ghost town until it was rediscovered; a thriving community; the scene of a number of great battles; the scene of one great tragedy (that led to its Ghost Town standing); a town of great joys and celebrations, and so much more. At this point in time, there is a general population of 333. A mixture of a community. It boasts families that have lived there for generations upon generations, but they are in the minority, and are not in positions of power. There are traders who have come back here, at the end of their many travails, to settle in. The new families and power-players have taken this as a last refuge for themselves, hoping to rebuild lives torn apart on the way here. Everyone has a secret. Welcome to Renaissance. Enjoy your stay.


What do you think of my story?

-----The Golden Eagle


Emily Rose said...

Wonderful story!

Charles Gramlich said...

Good stuff. Very well written with a lot of tension.

Sarah Pearson said...

Phew, I had to reread the rules to make sure there was going to be another entry. This is good, I want to know what the bargain is :-)

BornStoryteller said...

OK..I WANT/DEMAND you write a whole short story/novella/novel with these creatures!!

Loved the line: A strangely human idea, but I got the impulse to throw something at his head.

it made me laugh.

REALLY looking forward to week four!!

Co-host Rule of Three Blogfest
Tale Spinning

Milo James Fowler said...

Great pacing, yet again. You held me from start to finish. And I agree with Stuart!

Old Kitty said...

Your dialogue keeps me on my toes! WOW!! Well done you!! Take care

BornStoryteller said...

Just realized: unless I'm blind, i cant find any sharing links (twit, fb, stumble, etc). PUT THEM ON, GE. Yeah, shouting. Just do it.

Paul Tobin said...

I thought your post was really well written and it drew me further into the story. I love your turn of phrase, beautifully written.

cherie said...

You have great voice and nice pacing! I love this world you've created. Well done!

Btw, I have an award for you: http://readywritego.blogspot.com/2011/10/7-x-7-its-magic-number.html

Matthew MacNish said...

These are so fun to read!

Ann said...

That was one great 596 words! Very tense! Would love to know what the agreement is???? Dinner?

Rachna Chhabria said...

I enjoyed the post a lot. Its really good, it kind of gripped me in its tentacles.

anthony stemke said...

Although not my cup of tea genre-wise I must say you write very well in a gripping way.

Thank You.

li said...

Making my rounds of the 3rd week entries :-) Exciting! Yiu packed a lot into 600 words.

Corinne O'Flynn said...

What an unexpected twist with the Imbraglia and the protection bargain! I am really excited to see where you take this next week :)

Lynda R Young said...

loved your story. I particularly liked: "...people nearby screamed and ran. I sighed." Gave me a strong visual (and a smile).

Damyanti said...

This is a great build-up to week 4!

E.R. King said...

This was a full scene, and I loved it! The tension was palpable. And those darn humans. They screw up everything. : )

Jules said...

Where on earth do you come up with these names? Wonderful read Eagle but this does not surprise me.
Jules @ Trying To Get Over The Rainbow

Anonymous said...

Excellent!!! I am in agreement with Stuart. Much more is needed after next week.

Colleen Chen said...

What a neat twist to have Nabil's pov here! I am a big fan of intelligent animals as main characters and Nabil doesn't disappoint. Very exciting story!

Peggy Eddleman said...

Your story is FABULOUS! Way to nail the prompts!

Kurt Hartwig said...

There's a lot of frying pan-fire going on at this point. Look forward to seeing how this resolves next week.

Jen Chandler said...

I love this and I haven't read the first or second parts yet! Wonderful!! I want to know more about the creature/animal...

I'll agree with another commenter: you should really write a whole collection of these tales!


Bethany Elizabeth said...

I love love LOVE this! Very tense! :) I can't wait to find out what happens next.

Carol Riggs said...

What a fun story! Some great lines in there. ("I gave her a grin made of incisors.") I was concerned about the arrow in her/its/his leg though, or did it really hit and sink in?

The Golden Eagle said...

Emily: Thanks! :)

Charles: Thank you. I'm so glad you liked it!

Sarah: Thanks. And you'll find out in next week's installment. ;)

Stuart: LOL. I'm thinking about it--I hadn't planned on using the imbrangilae in anything else, but I've grown fond of them, freezing breath and all.

Glad you enjoyed it! :)

Milo: Thank you!

Old Kitty: Thanks! I always worry about dialogue--so I'm glad you liked this piece. :)

Stuart: I've tried putting them onto my blog, but Blogger won't let me do it. There's a setting that's supposed to add a row of share buttons to the bottom of ever post--it never works for me, for some reason. I'll try to find another service and see if that works.

Paul: Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed it. :)

Cherie: Thanks!

I'll be right over to check it out. Thank you so much for the award! :D

Matthew: I agree. It's a lot of fun, hopping around to all the other entries. :)

Ann: Thank you. LOL--you'll just have to wait until next week to find out what the agreement is. ;)

Rachna: I'm glad you enjoyed it!

Anthony: You're very welcome. I'm so glad to hear you liked the writing!

Li: Thanks! :)

Corinne: I'm looking forward to writing next week's!

Lynda: Glad you enjoyed it--and that it made you smile. :)

Damyanti: Thank you!

E.R.: LOL. And Renaissance is no different. :P

Jules: Aw, thanks. :)

Joshua: I am considering taking the imbrangilae further, maybe into a different story . . . hadn't planned to, but they intrigue me more now.

Colleen: Thanks!

I like intelligent animals, too--part of the reason I chose him. I had thought about using the father instead. :P

Peggy: Thank you so much! :)

Kurt: Yup . . . and who knows what will happen to the characters after that. The imbrangilae are a bit in control of the fire now. :P

Jen: Thank you!

There's some description of the imbrangilae in Part Two. :)

Bethany: I'm glad you enjoyed it!

Carol: Thanks!

Nope. Imbrangilae's aren't affected by arrows . . . or even metal, unless it's either a.) really sharp or b.) wielded by someone really strong.

David Powers King said...

You know what I love about your style? Character/dialogue driven. I can read an engaging conversation for hours. Wish there was more. Next week, right? Love your work! :)

Misha said...

Nice! I enjoyed seeing the story from Nabil's point of view. I hope things turn out well for Renaissance. :-)

Ms Saba (aka Teacher007.5) said...

Nabil is an awesome character! I cracked up when the creature "rotfl" :D and the attitude! would have loved to see him throw something at the man's head! :D

Sylvia van Bruggen said...

Ahhhhh that was just amazing. Your dialogues are what makes this story stand out. I really really really think these characters want a book! :) I look forward to week 4 :)

reka sang said...

It was a great read and the retribution should be interesting. I love your ability at effortless dialogue, mine never come out well.

Deniz Bevan said...

Brilliant! Loved this line " I gave her a grin made of incisors."
Can't wait to see what sort of payment they want...

The Golden Eagle said...

David: Thank you so much! :)

I used to find dialogue (and characters) a lot harder; I still find it difficult to slide into the right kind of mindset for writing this sort of dialogue.

Misha: Thanks! :)

You'll just have to find out next week . . .

Ms Saba: LOL. I thought about having him to that, but figured it might, er, end badly for a character I wanted to keep. :)

Sylvia: Thank you!

I'm beginning to think that, too; for Nabil in particular.

Reka: Thanks!

I love reading your dialogue, and your writing. I think it's well-done. :)

Deniz: Thanks. :) Glad you liked that line!

J.C. Martin said...

I’ve been by to read your entry. All I can say is judging will be tough! Bring on Week 4!


The Golden Eagle said...

J.C.: Thanks for coming by! :)

Kathleen said...

Nabil is an interesting POV character! I'm looking forward to week four when everything gets settled! What do the humans owe them, I wonder?

The Golden Eagle said...

Kathleen: Thanks!

You'll find out. ;)

Jodi Su said...

Creatures capture my attention. tension is strong and dialogue is well done! MORE!

Unknown said...

Love the imbrangilae!! I can't wait to see what happens next!!

Unknown said...


The Golden Eagle said...

Jodi: Thank you! :)

Just two days until I post the final installment . . .

Unknown: I'm glad you like the imbrangilae. :)