Cool, soft air blew a piece of hair across my face, and I looked around, eyes traveling from the gray and distant mountains to the water sliding and rushing along the black sand in front of me.
A delicate tinge of yellow and orange showed above the mountain ridge, and I sighed, the exhalation sharp and hard enough to startle a nearby bird. It emitted another scream and launched itself into the air, wings beating in a rhythmic whump, whump, whump.
I rubbed water off my face with the back of my hand, salt and dirt hitting my tongue. Then I started to stand, the breeze growing stronger—and suddenly my throat constricted, lungs refusing to take in any more air. I fell back and gagged, wondering what on this planet could smell so awful.
I reached out and drew a finger through the sand. The pattern I left glowed for just second, leaving a pale afterimage when I closed my eyes.
The smell receded, thanks to the charm, and I breathed again. I turned, and saw a brown lump on the ground a few meters away.
It looked like a synbatec egg.
I knew this was their home planet, and I knew they bred on the sand. But I’d only heard of them in hidden files my mentor didn’t know I could access, watched one hatching in a vid—the dark creature inside had been ugly and fascinating.
I turned, and saw my mentor storming toward me.
“Did you touch it?”
He grabs my arm. “Because synbatecs kill the nearest living thing when they hatch.”
About this challenge:
- that it’s morning (check)
- that a man or a woman (or both) is at the beach (check)
- that the MC (main character) is bored (check)
- that something stinks behind where he/she is sitting (check)
- that something surprising happens (check)
Just for fun, see if you can involve all five senses AND include these random words: "synbatec," "wastopaneer," and "tacise." (NB. these words are completely made up and are not intended to have any meaning other than the one you give them).
I didn't use "wastopaneer" . . . I couldn't really think of a way to get it in there and still sound natural.
What do you think? How'd I do on the "show not tell"?
And if you enjoyed my entry, you can vote for it HERE: I'm #95 in the Linky List, under The Eagle's Aerial Perspective. Just click the "like" button below my link.
-----The Golden Eagle